She Sings

Resolutions

Well, the Maldonados cancelled. I thought they might after driving most of the past few days but I sure wish they would have figured it out earlier. Rhi was pretty disappointed. Now it becomes my job to entertain her until midnight! We will play a few games and watch a movie. I enjoy spending one on one time with her. Tried to page Jon but no response. Must be a busy night for Family Med. OB.

It finally decided to snow and it is fierce out! We went from massive rain to heavy blowing wet snow. It is a good night to stay in and I hope that is what most folks opt to do.

Rachel went into work at noon and was supposed to go home at 4:30. They have her staying until close! She enjoys work though so I know she is having fun. They ordered pizza for everyone to have on their breaks and she will be going home with a girlfriend and staying the night at her house.

One of my resolutions for this year is one I wish I would have made many years ago. I am going to make more music. That may sound crazy seeing as how my job *is* music but rarely to I get to actually make music for myself. I would like to learn guitar, spend more time on piano and/or sing in a choir again. I really miss singing. My world is already so packed but somewhere there must be time for music.

I would also love to make more time for the Native stuff. I want my girls dancing. I really was at peace when we attended the Pow Wows and had the girls dancing. There is just something about that. Balance. It's been missing from my life for too long. Theirs too.

Finally and most important is to make time for Jon and I. Just us. Thy will be done!

What are your Resolutions?

Happy New Year 2007!

Wow. It's been a very busy couple of days and I don't really have much to show for it. The one thing I really wanted to get to was painting and I have yet to do it! Today was filled with little pesky errands. Now I am trying to put on make-up and fix my hair and get things ready to go over to the Maldonados for New Years. They just drove in from Texas today so I doubt I'll be over there very long. Jon will be on call tonight so he can't be with us which really sucks! Rachel will probably go off and do something with her friend or her new boyfriend so it's just Rhi and I. We shouldn't complain because Jon was lucky enough to have X-mas Eve and Day off but still... *Sigh* I will be thrilled when Residency is over! All I have ever wanted is time with my husband and it seems so hard to come by these days! Song for tonight: (I heard this recently on Y&R and thought it was perfect for tonight!)

Somewhere (A Place For Us) West Side Story
Music=Leonard Berstein
Lyrics=Stephen Sondhiem

"There's a place for us,
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere.
There's a time for us,
Some day a time for us,
Time together with time to spare,
Time to look, time to care,
Someday!
Somewhere.
We'll find a new way of living,
We'll find a way of forgiving
Somewhere.

There's a place for us,
A time and place for us.
Hold my hand and we're half way there.
Hold my hand and I'll take you there
Somehow,
Someday,
Somewhere!"

Happy New Year Everyone!

The Senior

This is one of Rachel's Senior Pictures. I liked this one so much I ordered an 8 by 10 which I really don't normally do. 5 by 7 is usually big enough for me.

Sometimes I can't believe what how big and beautiful she is! I am a little biased but still...Sometimes she can really test my sanity but on the days that she is good, she is really really good. I would compare it to birth. When you are giving birth you are sure that nothing could be worse but when you see that little baby and hold her for the first time you suddenly forget how much you had endured. What I never realized is that this cycle of pain and joy continues throughout their childhood and into adulthood. Yes, it's the cycle of life and all that. Nothing in this world is free and the good things will cost you but it will never matter. You'll pay that price again and again for that one perfect moment of love that erases all the ugliness and pain of this world. This picture is one of those moments captured for me and I've waited a long time to lay eyes on it.

Remember When

Remember when Victoria's Secret played lovely classical music and had sexy yet feminine lingerie? Now it's like Frederick's of Hollywood meets college dorm.

twas the night before...

It has been a very busy couple of days filled with cooking, cleaning and the like. We woke up and did presents this morning and enjoyed them for the rest of the day. We are getting ready to go see "Night at the Museum" since Jon will be on call tomorrow. Poor Jon! Hospital service sucks! We usually try to take the girls of to the Mall of America during break but it looks like I'll be taking them on my own. :( Tomorrow Rachel and I will be up bright and early to shop for some deals. Well, I will be anyway. I've only managed to get her up early enough for that once!

A Break-Finally!

Today was our last school day before the break! I have so many things I want to do tomorrow that it is keeping me awake! Where to begin...

The house must be cleaned, laundry for sure, a few more things for Christmas dinner need to be bought and cookies/candy must be made. Let's not forget wrapping. At least the shopping for everyone is done!

We had a little weather this morning but it didn't keep school away. Once again every district around us had a 2 hour delay or just closed because of the freezing rain. I must say, our roads her in town were pretty good and I know the students were looking forward to all of their special things that were planned for today so it worked out well in the end.

I took Jez in to the vet because she hasn't been using her leg since the surgery and she should be. He said it looked good and that she just got used to not using it. He showed me some leg stretches to do with her and suggested I "dance" with her to get her used to using that back leg. I really like this vet and I am pretty sure I am going to just switch from the old place to this one. Jez likes the guy and that is what matters most.

Jon is on call in the level 2 nursery (sick babies) and he won't be home until tomorrow. He was lucky enough to get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off but he works the day after Christmas and New Year's. Our friends are in Texas for most of the break which sucks but at least I won't be tempted to squander my time. I must get some school stuff done and some painting done over the break. Some break! Oh yeah.

4 Decades

When I set out to find pictures of me in each decade I didn't realize how hard it would be!

The first one of age 10 is really horrible but it really was right on my 10th birthday. In the background you can see the "Visible Woman". That thing was cool. I am not sure why I would have wanted a baton except to use it to take out my enemies!

Age 20 was a very busy year for me. My birthday was somewhat overlooked that Dec because Tom and I were married on the 28th and promptly headed out to Florida after. I really didn't want to post a wedding photo so I found a picture of 21 instead!

Age 30 was also a very busy year. Rhianna was one and I was a busy mamma. No time for many pictures. The one I am posting is from our vacation to Idaho that year. I am at Jon's brother's house and the hearts behind me used to be at the Coeur d'Alene Wedding Chapel on Gov't way. It is a pretty famous place in those parts. I am not sure how my sister-in-law found them but I'd sure love to know where they went when her and Dave split. They are a part of CDA history!

I had a really wonderful 40th Birthday. Jon brought flowers into my classroom on Friday and many of the staff sang "Happy Birthday" to me in the foyer of the school! That night, David and Kecia treated us to dinner at The Green Mill and we treated them to a movie (Eragon) after. It was a long but fun night!

Yesterday Jon went out an grabbed Panera for us for breakfast. I then went off to have my hair dyed and cut while Jon ran errands.We then grabbed lunch and headed over to Rhi's basketball games. It was an all afternoon affair (double header) but she had fun and they won both of their games. We had dinner at a local Italian place and then came home for presents and cake.

Today my students had their recital. It took me all morning to prepare but it was worth it. They did great! Now I am tired and I have a cranky daughter (Rhi) on my hands. Poor Rachel missed all the special dinners and stuff because she had to work! She works Christmas day as well if you can believe that! Who goes to the movies on Christmas Day? Non-Christians I guess...

I feel good having the recital behind me. Now I just have to focus on getting through the next four days of school.

Grinch

Someone just take me away. I am so so tired. The stress of the holidays mixed with all my other daily demands and recent "emergencies" is wearing on me. It is taking it's toll too as it appears I am nursing a sinus infection. I haven't had one since I was going to school at ASU 12 years ago. I have a pretty good immune system so I know that when I am getting sick things are *really* out of balance all around. At ASU, it was the pressures of school, the divorce from Tom, the dating of Jon (believe me, it was stressful) and the day to day care of a toddler. Living with my mom didn't help matters. This time it is all of the pressures of work, family, holidays and bad luck. Yes, bad luck. Every single month there are more than just a few *emergencies* that have to be solved. I could handle it if it was just a few things every now and then but it has been constant.

The past few weeks the car has been my tormenter. First I forgot to put my car into park and it rolled into another staff member's car in the parking lot. A few days later, Rachel forgot to leave me the keys to my car so I had to call David at the last minute to drive Rhi and I to school. A few days later, Jon forgot to leave the keys to *his* car. I was already late and managed to grab a ride from the neighbor but I had to combine my morning class because I was so late getting to school. That very same day Rachel and I thought we would run up and grab a quick lunch together. We were halfway there when we realized one tire was completly flat! I had to drive on the rim to get to a gas station to fill it up. It seemed fine after that.It didn't lose air overnight so Rachel took it the next day which was this past Friday. This was an early release day so all the kids go home early so teachers can work. I am all set to work and then drive over to a nice Christmas happy hour at my principal's house. I feel really good that I can finally finish up so real work and some of the stress that is my life begins to lift. I decide to call home to see if Rhi made it home OK and to make sure Rachel was there with her. Big mistake... Rachel was stranded with a flat tire and had been trying to get a hold of me. The tire had finally popped while she was driving the car! Rachel couldn't get a hold of me because we haven't been able to afford to get me a new cell phone. I had to leave work eary and go home to try and solve the crisis so I could at least make it back to Jane's for happy hour. At this point, I know if I don't have happy hour I will go insane. We had to have both cars fixed because Jon was moonlighting that night and Rachel had to get to work. It was a stressful few hours and I somehow made it to Jane's. By this time I was so tired though that I really didn't enjoy myself. I worried about Rhi and finally left. I had to get up Sat morning at 6 to get ready to take Rhi to basketball pictures followed by two games back to back.

*sigh* I just can't do it all people. There is only one of me. My weekdays are filled with full-time work and parenting followed by evenings of either taking Rhi to practices three times a week, meetings, Christmas shopping, cleaning the house and making dinner. You can imagine that we have been eating out alot lately. There is just nothing left by the end of the day. I can't even find enjoyment in watching my shows because I either miss them due to other responsibilities or fall asleep while trying to watch them. Weekends are filled with basketball games and housework on Saturday (like one day is enough to clean the house, do the laundry, iron, do the grocery shopping and prepare the meals for that day) and piano lessons and Honors Choir on Sundays.

Something has to go. When I ask my ever loving husband to help out with some of this all I get is attitude. Finally, after almost three years of living in our new house, he agreed to put up Christmas lights. He used to love Christmas lights and now you would think I was asking him to try and solve world hunger or something. He refused to help decorate the tree and has refused to do this for the past however many years. He hates Christmas and I am sure he blames me for this. I "complain". Apparently I am never allowed to offer up any suggestions about anything or I am being the typical nag wife. I am just supposed to flash one of those nice passive aggressive smiles and say, "that's nice dear", "thank you so much". God knows I am thanked profusely every day for the things I do...

The lights. First he put up half on the front and half on the back. It was quite creative really. He ran out of lights so that was OK. He waited almost a week before going to look for new lights so they were all gone. That's OK. His plan was to take some off the back and finish off the front. I would love lights all around but I would rather have a finished front. Luckily, I found some lights at Target a few days ago so I snatched them up. He waited almost all day yesterday to put them up so he ended up doing it in the dark complaining the entire time and vowing not to take them down. Apparently I am lucky to have just the front done. The back will be bare. He then left garbage all over the counter (which the cats have had a fun time spreading all over the floor) and all of the light storage stuff in family room even after I asked him to put it away.

Thanks Jon! I appreciate your help.

Not an "only"=Not lonely

These pictures are about the only ones we have of all of the kids before my sister Rachel was adopted. They may not be a lesson in photography but they have always been my favorite. I loved growing up in a large family. There was such a feeling of security in that. You were never alone, you knew how to share, you had protection against the bullies (whose going to mess with a gal that has 5 older brothers!) and there was always someone to play with. I always felt bad for friends of mine that were only children. My mom was an only child and vowed not to let that happen to her children. Here comes a very gross generalization but... All of the people I have met that were only children had a few things in common with each other. They are somewhat self-centered, they have very odd relationships with their parents (usually very dysfunctional) and difficulty maintaining other relationships in their lives. My mother is included in this observation. I know it is a horrible stereotype but it really seems to have been born out in the "onlys" I have encountered thus far. They are usually bright people and basically good at heart but just seem to have trouble living as an adult in life.

This is not to say that kids from larger families don't have problems too. I was spoiled myself being the only girl for awhile. I had issues (and still do!) with agression and have a tendency to interrupt people in conversation. On the plus side I can multi-task like the dickens! I have just always been thankful that I always had someone there growing up. Someone that wasn't a parent. Now my family is scattered to the four winds. From oldest to youngest: Steve is in South Carolina, Ray in Idaho Falls with mom, Pat in California, John somewhere overseas and Rachel in Utah. Lorenzo my step-dad is, well no one cares. My real father died the year Rhi was born. I am hoping we can move out West when Jon finishes here so I can at least be closer to most of my family.

In other news, if you think taking a baby to get shots is a chore try a 17 year-old. For some bizarre reason, Rachel has been resistent to getting her flu shot, the cervical cancer vaccine, and the most important- the meningitis vaccine. We cornered her into doing it yesterday but not without a scene. It was pretty embarrassing. She was crying and everything. Doctors and nurses have the worst jobs in the world.

Finally, last night I had a dream about Johnny Depp! It was very odd as most dreams are. I am surprised that I actually had a dream about him! I put on a show at school (to have fun with the kids!) like I am one of those fanatics but deep down I just think he is just an interesting guy. He is also kind of familiar to me in a way I can't really place. His two kids were in the dream too. I gave him a ride home or something to a gated community in whatever town we were in. He seemed very sad.

Inconvenient Truth

We had a nice little dinner together at Fazoli's last night. I love that place. The best part was that it was 99 cent kid's meal night and the cashier made all of our meals kid's meals so dinner for the three of us (Jon was on call) was only 5 dollars!

We were talking about our dreams and Rhianna said that when she died she would be a ghost. I said, "I'm going to relax in Heaven!" to which Rhi replied "there is no Heaven". I asked her when she became an atheist and Rachel told her that she was throwing away her Native beliefs by thinking that way. Then, out of nowhere, Rachel says, "I believe in Hell and I know there is a special place in Hell for fathers who abandon their kids!" *Sigh* I'm just thinking "not this again". I agreed with her, of course. Conscious, deliberate abandonment. Claire recently pondered this as well and I resisted the urge to vent some more on my blog but today my resistence was broken.

I turned on the TV after school and Oprah was on. I don't normally watch her but I was interested in Al Gore's movie An Inconvenient Truth. First, I do agree with findings presented in this film. It comes down to who would have a reason to lie. Money is the best motivation there is so I don't buy that all of the findings of the film have no scientific basis. The findings that support big industry are more than suspect. I think most folks are bright enough to see that. Second, as horrible as it was to watch all of the places in the world that are near coastal waters go under water in his simulation, my heart warmed just a little when Florida went down! Alas, just like the hurricaines I wouldn't want to see others suffer, but my ex? Maybe if he lost something big like his home it might compensate the loss he has inflicted upon others. Might. Maybe. I guess he'd have to actually have feelings for that to work. *shrug* Oh well.

I just hope that Rachel realizes how much her real dad loves her and her family too. I wish she wouldn't dwell on it. She just gives it more power over her when she does that. She is a beautiful, smart, funny and well liked person. She has many people who love her and I hope she knows and believes that.

Dresses!

My mom was given many dresses as gifts. It was novel to have a girl after so many boys so my mom enjoyed dressing me up and taking pictures for everyone. I am glad I don't remember those days. I do like dresses but prefer pants. Sundresses are OK so I wore many of those when I lived in the ovens of Phoenix. I would live in jeans though if I could! Thank goodness the teachers of today can wear slacks. I can't imagine being trussed up in nylons every day.

You can see a little bit of chubbiness starting in these pictures. I was a little chunk! This didn't last long. I turned into a stick figure later. Now I am back to chunk.

Again, these pictures are in pretty rough shape but I decided not to try to touch them up or anything. They are what they are. Just like me! :)

My Month

I have dedicated a whole month (their birthday month) to each of my daughters so now I thought I'd do the same for myself! I am entering my 4th decade after all which is a pretty big deal!

I always hate to tell people where I was born because no one has ever heard of it. Pocatello Idaho. Yee ha! I was born in a Catholic hospital on Friday, December 16, 1966 at 9pm and was named Michelle Marie. 6lbs, 7oz. Yes, I am well aware that the number of the beast is in my birthdate! My first name was ever popular at the time thanks to the Beatles song by the same name. My mom tells me my middle name came from a very kind nurse who worked at the hospital and helped my mom quite a bit. She claims the lady pretty much delivered me.

Apparently the Doc had told my mom early on that I was dead and had a D&C set up for her the next day. My mom refused to believe him and did not show up to the procedure. He wasn't very happy about that and asked her if she thought she was some kind of breeding cow or something (I was her seventh child). Nice. When the delivery day came, he refused to set foot in the room so the nurse delivered me. She brought me out and showed me to him and said, "wow, that's some dead baby!". *shrug* Who knows how true my mom's stories are but there it is.

I was the only girl out of 6 boys. My mom's first baby Little Eddie died a week or so after birth. He was born Dec. 18th which always freaked me a little.

I am sorry about the poor picture quality. Getting out these pictures has made me realize that yes, after 40 years, the pictures are beginning to go down hill fast. I like the little poinsettia over my head in the table picture. The Holidays have always been *my* time of year. I enjoy having my birthday so close to Christmas. I never understand the folks that complain about it so much. I also have never understood people name Michelle who hate that Beatles song. I have always loved my name and that song. I especially loved that the Beatles got the spelling right with TWO L's! Take it from me, the Frenchie, if you want to spell it with one "l" you might as well just call yourself Michael. Michelle is a male name in France. The second "l" was added to differentiate the masculine from the feminine. The ignorance on this issue drives me nuts and it shouldn't because most people just couldn't care or less! It's just me. The only thing worse to me are folks with French last names that can't pronounce them correctly. They have been horribly Anglisized and butchered. *sigh* Why can't the rest of the world be perfect like me? ;)

For all of those Beatles haters out there, get over yourselves. Michelle ma belle, these *are* words that go together well !(you notice everything has a double "l". I'm just sayin'...)

Hey, Pocatello has two "l's"! Sweet!

Here it is:

Michelle-The Beatles

Michelle, ma belle.
These are words that go together well,
My Michelle.

Michelle, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.

I love you, I love you, I love you.
That's all I want to say.
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand.

Michelle, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.

I need to, I need to, I need to.
I need to make you see,
Oh, what you mean to me.
Until I do I'm hoping you will
Know what I mean.

I love you.

I want you, I want you, I want you.
I think you know by now
I'll get to you somehow.
Until I do I'm telling you so
You'll understand.

Michelle, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.

I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand, my Michelle.