She Sings

Family Harmony

I caught some kind of a horrible virus last Friday. It began as intestinal and moved on to a horrible sore throat and now has developed into a head and chest cold. I felt bad yesterday but was determined to not miss school so I went in. By lunchtime my voice was completely gone and I felt as though I had chills. I had to resort to a video because I couldn't talk and certainly couldn't sing. This morning I woke up feeling worse so I just gave up and called in. I hate missing school but I know I need to rest. I keep telling myself that as I am ironing, doing laundry and dishes and vacuuming/mopping. *Sigh*. I hate slowing down too much.

My mom called me last week to fill me in on her latest drama. My brother has been helping her out at the assisted living home she's at. He walks the dog, gets her water and other grocery needs, takes her to the Doc, etc... I know because I did it for almost two years with her living in my house. We all seem to take some kind of a turn taking care of her except for Pat who lives in California and John who is overseas. I think my brother Ray's turn just ended!

On the one hand, my mom is *very* difficult to live with. On the other hand, it couldn't have been a picnic raising 7 bratty white trash kids for 18 years apiece either. I think about the stuff my brothers, my sister and myself did and then my own daughter and I feel pretty lucky. Now as a parent I can really appreciate what horrible little kids we were. We were always getting hurt or sick, we got into *big* trouble alot (drunk, stealing, fights, etc...) and Lord knows we were no Einsteins at school. So, what goes around always comes around in the end and it has all finally come around to my brother Ray.

Ray recently went overseas to visit my other brother John. From what my mother says (no need to correct any part of the story because the details really don't matter in the end), it sounds like the whole trip was a bust as everyone got pretty sick with influenza. Ray had to fly home sick and that when he arrived home, he needed time to recover. It sounds like mom was annoyed that he didn't rush right over to see her and run her errands and she made some kind of a comment to that effect and he took offense. Maybe. He won't talk to her at all so she is speculating. In any case, he is done with taking care of her and she has gone from hurt to angry. She has some plans to see the local priest and some welfare counselors to try to resolve the matter.

Here's what I know, I'm not getting in the middle of this! This puts a considerable damper on our plans to go visit mom this summer. We had planned on leaving on the second or so of July so that we could be there for the Fourth. I talked to my brother Pat and he is going to try to get out there then too. We plan on going through Yellowstone, visiting with mom and family and just generally having a nice little vacation. We do *not* plan on getting caught up in drama! I am thinking it might be a good idea to stay at a hotel to avoid the strife. I am hoping in my heart of hearts thought that the priest or someone can help them to resolve their differences. *Sigh*.

The Rose

I survived. So did she. Today my baby turned 18. She made it without being a drug addict or an alcoholic, without getting pregnant and/or dropping out of school and without joining the military! My job here is done (ha, ha! If only...). This song, as hokey as it may seem, has always reminded me of Rachel Mary and how she came into this world. She not only became the most wonderful person I know and love but brought Jon and I together at a time when that seemed impossible. Happy 18th Birthday baby! We love you!

The Rose-Bette Midler

Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed

Some say love it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need

I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance

It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give

and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long

and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows

lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose

Family Trip Day 2-A Wicked Good Time

Day 2 was a chilly but fun day. We were thinking of walking to the aquarium but it really is a healthy distance from our hotel and with the weather being quite chilly we thought we'd better ride over in a taxi instead. This was Rhianna's first taxi ride and she *loved* it! We wanted to get to the place a little early so we could get in the front of the line. Unfortunatly this also meant waiting 10 minutes in said line until it opened. In the cold. Frosty cold. Near a large lake cold! We spotted our Minnesota friends right away and met up with them inside and warmed up.

It was pretty nice spending the whole day with them. The highlights of the aquarium were the beluga whales (one is due with her baby this summer!) and the sea dragons. My picture did not turn out so well so I linked an internet photo but no photo can capture the magic of these guys. When I was growing up my mom had a salt water tank in which we raised sea horses. I have no memory of how long this lasted but I do remember how much I was fascinated by them. Sea dragons are even more beautiful. I first encountered them this summer at the MN zoo and I have been curious about them ever since. I would love to have some at some point but it will have to be when we can hire someone to care for the tank. I had my fill of fish when I lived in Arizona and my mom decided to have a 150 gallon fish tank on the kitchen island and a fishtank coffee table that held fancy gold fish. Just guess who cared for the tanks and fish as part of their rent? For four long years? Yep. I am fished out.

The lowlight of the visit was a very rude lady at lunch. Jon decided he wanted Pizza Hut but they didn't have any breadsticks ready. He waited quite impatiently for 10 minutes and when they finally came up he grabbed two orders so we could all have some. This lady came up and asked if she could have one. Jon just looked at her and said "no, I've been waiting a long time for these". She said "so have I" (not true, she had just walked up) and proceeded to grab one of the orders out of his hand. Not a wise thing to do with my husband. Both Jon and I remembered why we like a small town. Not so many rude people. I had forgotten about that aspect of living in Phoenix. With a higher population you are simply more likely to encounter them. In a smaller town, there is a better chance that you might see folks again somewhere else, say the emergency room, so people tend to be more polite to each other.

After lunch we headed over to the Field Museum and were not happy to discover that they had decided to close at an earlier time then normal giving us only about an hour to look around. Had we know this we could have gone there first. Still, we made the best of it.I got in pretty cheap as they give teachers a nice discount and Rhi walked in with our friends who had purchased a membership so I guess she ended up being free! We were able to make it through the Egypt exhibit and check out Sue who is named after the woman who discovered her. Make sure you follow the link and read the history of how Sue was found and the controversy surrounding it all. I think it's interesting that the Field Museum actually secured this fossil in an auction with the help of some sponsers. I thought it odd that a McDonald's could be found inside a museum...

An interesting side note is that the woman Sue was actually a patient here at the Mayo Clinic. Many years ago now, two children were killed in a senseless accident. The mom had just picked up the dad from the airport and they were all going to have bagels together. She turned left and didn't see an oncoming car that had no way of stopping in time. One kid was killed instantly and the other died hours later at the hospital. I still think of those kids and that poor family when I drive by that spot. The father was Sue's Doc and she donated a caste of Sue the t-rex's head to the local nature center in memory of his children. Strange connection.

I would have liked to see more of the museum and this summer the King Tut exhibit is coming through so I'd like to go back for that. I must say though that I felt very much like an intruder going through and looking at the personal possessions of the dead as well as the dead themselves. Didn't really get an "OK" feeling from it. I guess as far as that goes I don't think it is appropriate or wise but that's just my own personal opinion on that. I thought that seeing it all might change my mind but it only reinforced my beliefs.

Our friends were kind enough to pile us into their car and give us a ride back to our hotel. We made plans to meet up with them later for dinner. We ate at Pizzeria Uno for deep dish pizza and while we thought it pretty good, it can't compare to Ginos!

The absolute best part of our day, the entire trip in fact, was going to Wicked that evening! We walked from the pizza place which only took about 10 minutes but it was still pretty chilly out so we froze the entire way. I loved everything about this. The theater was amazing, our seats were awesome, the show itself was unforgettable and watching Rhi experience it all was priceless. She had already read the book (all three in the series in fact) and was blown away by the show. We got her a zip-up hoodie that says Wicked on the front and "defy gravity" on the hood itself. Jon even enjoyed it and he has never been a fan of musicals. I would have pictures of the Oriental Theater to show you but no photos were allowed. The ushers were like the Gestapo when it came to camaras. If you even pulled one out they were all over you. We took a taxi back to the hotel and fell into our beds!

More Family Trip Day 1

OK. I know it's been a while but I fully intend to finish blogging about my Chicago trip!

We set off walking from our hotel to Michigan Ave. We noticed a very distinct smell of chocolate on the way. It smelled wonderful but for the life of us we couldn't figure out where it was coming from. We knew we wanted to have dinner at The Cheesecake Factory so we set out for the John Hancock Center. It was a pretty good walk but nothing we couldn't handle. The difficulty is trying to keep up with each other in the crowds.

We finally arrived at our destination and secured a table right away. It pays to go early! This was a far cry from the 90 minutes Tracy and I were told we would have to wait. The food was wonderful! Rhi and I out did ourselves by splitting the Godiva chocolate cheesecake for dessert! It was heavenly!

After dinner Jon and Rhi decided to go to the top of the Hancock. I declined...I didn't think the height of a building would bother me but apparently it does. Alot. I had to content myself with giftshop hell for awhile.

I ran into a classmate of Rhi's while I was roaming around the giftshop. We knew they were coming to Chicago too but it was very strange to run into them. We got together and chatted and planned on going together to the Aquarium the next day. We walked back to the hotel and checked out the little pool the hotel had. Rhi wanted to swim so I went to the pool with her while Jon worked out in the exercise room. By bedtime we were beyond tired. I really don't remember my head hitting the pillow!

Family Trip Day 1

Jon had a moonlighting gig from Monday night into Tuesday so we couldn't leave for our big trip until Tuesday morning. I was pretty bummed that Rachel didn't want to go but I couldn't exactly force her. We hopped into the car and were on our way by 9 or so. I worried about the weather as scattered rain and thundershowers were predicted from Mn to Illinois but my worries were misplaced. Our first and only hazard was fog. Thick. As we neared the Mississippi and dropped down into the river valley the fog cleared somewhat. Once we passed into Wisconsin it eventually dissipated but not until just before Madison.

We took a little break in Madison and had lunch at Burger King. After Madison the Interstate became much more crowded with the semi population. I noticed this when I went the music teachers the week before. It really sucked. The toll roads were also a pain. I encountered a few when I went to visit friends in Texas but before that had only encountered them once when Tom and I lived in Orlando. Jon and I were going to switch and let him be the driver into Chicago but we later decided that it was better with him guiding me. I am fine as long as someone next to me can give me clear instructions.

When we came into the city, Rhi was stunned. She had never seen the like which is exactly why we planned this trip. She finally pulled her head out of her book and took in the sights. We purchased tickets through ticketmaster to see Wicked so we all became very excited when the billboard popped up. There was very little back-up into the city which surprised me. We came in flawlessly and found our hotel with no problems. Check-in was a breeze and we were pretty happy with our room.

The temperature was much warmer than Minnesota (almost 70 compared with 40's and 50's) and so we set out to walk down Michigan.

OK. That was alot.I am tired! More on the trip later! (I know, I have become a blogging wimp!).

As for today, we had a good time at our annual Easter Dinner at our friend Kari-Jo's place. Her and Jon used to be in the same lab back in his PhD days and every year she would invite her entire lab to come out and have dinner with her family. It is extremly generous of her and even though Jon hasn't worked with her for about 5 years or so she never fails to send us an invite. It feels weird because we only see these folks once a year but it has become such an institution for our family! It is hard not having family of our own anywhere near here but folks like Kari-Jo make up for it in spades. I hope you all had a lovely Easter!

Rachel

She is only weeks away from being *18* but now more than ever I am reminded that for some that is not only an exciting time but a scary one too.

Rachel has been to the ER about four times in the past year. Her visits seem to coincide with activities we have with Rhianna that require us to go out of town. The obvious conclusion is that she is envious of the attention Rhianna receives for her extra-curricular activities and is trying to draw attention to herself in any way she can. This is nothing new. Rachel has never quite recovered from Rhianna's birth. Rachel was the only child for 6 years and had trouble adjusting to a new sibling. We have had her in counseling and tried many different tactics with her. Nothing works. Sometimes I wonder if it is just genetic and she is just cut out to be a sick often like my mom.

We have given Rachel every opportunity to be involved in other things and have supported her when she was in choir and did take music lessons, etc... None of those things lasted and that's OK. She doesn't have to aspire to "doing it all". I don't care and Jon doesn't either. We just want to be sure that that is what is best for her and that she is happy with her choices. She never seems happy though and always has some kind of "drama" going on. I know part of that is teenager stuff and as for whatever the rest is, I have had to admit that I have no control over it. It is what it is. She is who she is and I'll love her no matter what.

We have decided that these ER trips should not get the attention that we once gave them. The attention that *any* parent would give for such a situation. Each time it turns out that whatever was wrong with her was never discovered or "went away". I am sure that by her record alone the hospital is on to her and while I feel embarrased by that, I have to accept that Rachel is old enough to deal with the consequences of her actions, not me or her dad. She will soon be an adult and may be in a situation where she has to rely on other support systems outside of her family and this past week was a good test of that.

Before we left for Chicago, Rachel had been complaining of a sore throat and had developed a strange rash on her hands. The rash seemed to go away after some benedyl so we didn't worry. Apparently it all became worse after we left. The rash spread and she called us Thursday telling us that she had seen a doctor on her own (I thought this was very mature of her) and that they had run a few tests. She complained that her throat was so swollen that she didn't want to eat or drink so I suggested that she try getting in again Thursday and if they couldn't get her in to go to the ER (our acute care clinic closed which is crazy considering this is supposed to be *the mayo clinic*). The next day, she apparently developed a fever (strep was ruled out the day before) and said she couldn't swallow. She hadn't eaten or drank in 24 hours so she went in to the ER.

Jon and I played phone tag throughout the day with the ER and at the end of the day she was finally admitted. The nice thing about Jon being a Doc is that he can page any of the Docs directly and get the scoop as well as give them the scoop on Rachel. We felt that she probably really did feel sick but that the whole "I can't swallow" was perhaps overplayed. They said her throat looked a little red and swollen but didn't seem to match her description of discomfort or pain. That we expected. They continued to run tests and kept her overnight. We were coming back on Friday anyway so we kept in touch with the docs and came home and picked her up. She seems much better all around now that we are home. Mamma got her to have some soup after which she promptly went to bed. She looked as though she hadn't slept at all.Some of the tests won't be back until today but the general conclusion is that she had some kind of viral thing. Clearly she coudn't fake a fever or rash so she really was sick but I think it was played up a little to highten the drama of it all. Ya'll don't even want to see our hospital bills for her. Four ER visits in one school year ain't cheap.

I feel like we just can't win with her. We invited her to go with us to Chicago but she adamently refused. I guess it was a good thing in the end because she would have really been sick on the trip but we sure missed having her around. It is good to know that she is mature enough to handle some of this kind of thing on her own. We want to be there for her to support her and yet we don't want to support unhealthy attention getting behaviors as well. It is a fine line of knowing when to help her and when to stand back. People on the outside who do not understand what is going on think we are horrible neglectful parents because we don't come running every time she cries wolf and that makes it even harder.

This behavior confirms my feeling that she would probably not do well in a college situation that was far away from us as we had first planned. She finally expressed some trepidation herself and it just confirms my feelings that 18 is no adult. She is still very much a child and needs our support even as she is learning how to be independent. I was kind of shoved out of my house and into the world and even though I did complete college in the end, it did take 10 years complete with a marriage, a divorce and a kid. I want more for her but I know I can't do it for her. Again, a fine line of supporting but not enabling.

Somedays I just want to give up and this is one of them. *sigh*

Dare I say, Chicago?

Again. Oh yeah. That's where I have been since Tuesday with the family and it was fabulous! More on that later. The main thing is that Rachel refused to go and while she was taking care of things here at home she managed to land herself in the ER. She has had some kind of strange viral thing (they think) and it finally became so pronounced that she went in to the ER and was admitted. More on that later too. She is home now and we are just waiting on a few more tests to come back. I am very tired. I drove almost 5 hours straight to get home and get Rachel back home. *sigh*. Time for beddy bye!

Chicago Days 3&4

Saturday morning we all walked down to the The Corner Bakery Cafe for breakfast. We all had some very tasty meals. Mine was hot oatmeal which I love and rarely make at home as I am too lazy ;).

We were all feeling a little down because Edna had to fly back to Minnesota as she had some commitments on Sunday. She ended up leaving the hotel mid-morning so we never really saw her again after breakfast. Tracy and I found ourselves with some time on our hands before the first session and so we walked around the neighborhood of the hotel. I spied a Dunkin' Donuts and had to go over and get one. I haven't had one since we moved from Phoenix 12 years ago! While we were waiting at the counter a homeless man came in and was talking very loudly. Tracy is not really used to that and she became very nervous. The girls that worked there seem to know him and it was clear that they wanted to hurry up and serve him before he became worked up. He began to yell (while right in back of us) "these white people are talkin' smack about me!" and "they tryin' to start somethin'". I thought Tracy was going to run! I ran into a lot of this kind of thing living in Phoenix. My mom ran a drug and alcohol treatment center on Van Buren so this guy was nothing new to me. It did make me thankful to be living in a small town, however. I grabbed my donut and off we went. We spotted a cute little french deli type place that looked promising for lunch and finally came back to the hotel for the morning sessions. More great stuff on assessments and a session on Mexican Folk Music completed the morning. We met up with Sue and Ruth and grabbed lunch.

The afternoon was filled with concerts. We walked from our lunch spot over to the Symphony Hall which was very close. There were three choirs that performed and all were excellent. The Hall was beautiful and the music divine. It was a wonderful way to end the conference.

Sue and Ruth had bought tickets for the banquet so they attended that. Tracy and I hadn't thought that far ahead and it was too late to purchase them so we made our own plans.

We ended up going out on foot to Michigan Ave and walked all the way up to the Waterworks buildings. We tried to get in for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory but the wait was 90 minutes! We were tired, cranky and starving so we finally meandered over to Gino's East . The line looked horrible but it actually moved fairly fast. I loved the pizza and can't wait to take Jon there! We walked all the way back to hotel if you can believe that! We were pretty dang tired when we came back. Too late to go to the pool and really too late for anything else. We brought some pizza back to the hotel only to discover that they have no small fridges in the room nor any place to store leftovers. Pretty lame on their part. We watched the weather and saw that there might be storms the next day. On top of that the Shamrock Shuffle was taking place so some of the streets were going to be closed. We all thought we might have the morning to do a few things but it was looking like we would have to leave early.

The next morning Tracy and I enjoyed our "free breakfast" perks and than ran down to Dunkin' Donuts so I could get a dozen for the family. We had a time of it rounding up Sue and Ruth and an even more interesting time getting out as our delay had meant that the streets we needed were already closed. We eventually found our way and drove home with no problems. Not even the storms. I must say, it was fun but very nice to be home!

Chicago Day 2

I must take back one thing from the previous entry.We did not go see Spelling Bee on the first night but rather on the second. The first night we were exhausted from our long day and so after dinner we walked back to the hotel and went up to bed.

Tracy and I awoke early on the second morning and went to shower/bathe in our seperates bathrooms (this was *so* nice!). We went downstairs and met up with Ruth and Edna. We didn't see Sue so we called up to ask if she was coming to breakfast and found that she would rather sleep in and have her bagel upstairs by herself. Oh well. We went to The Big Downtown and had a nice breakfast together. The cute little "el" train was fun to watch but our server was not the best. I don't think he liked serving women too much. Shrug. We simply tipped him accordingly.

Next we were off to the conference itself which was wonderful! The first session many of us attended was on assessments. We learned a few new games and dances and came away with some new ideas for assessing. The second and third sessions that I attended were by far the best for me. Sanna Longden was by far the best presentor IMHO. She gave me so many wonderful folk songs/dances that I could and did use right away with my classes. Her Chinese "Rock, Paper, Scissors" game/dance/song was by far the biggest hit. I love how most of these are very appropriate for any age and the fact that the are cultural. Don't worry, there was some Anglo culture as well for all you white right folks that like to grumble at such things. Of course you will grumble anyway, to no end. One drawback to living in the Midwest I have found. Ignorance in spades. Not everyone to be sure but I have encountered much more of it here than I ever did in while living in Phoenix. I am still not used to it and doubt I ever will be. Enough of that!

Lunch was Ada's with Sue joining us this time. We had lot's of fun eating there and planning out our evening. we decided on a French place place for dinner before heading out to the theater. I stuffed myself on a delicious Rubuen, pickles (from a crock that sits right on the table) Coke and Baklava. They don't really go together but it was delicious just the same!

The afternoon sessions were "OK". Nothing to jump up and down about.Some minor stomach peril (no wonder considering all the crap I ate!) made it necessary for me to go up to the room early to lay down for a bit. This gave me the opportunity to enjoy the room a little more and have some time to myself. It wasn't long before Tracy joined me and we readied ourselves for the evening and went downstairs to meet the others and jump into a taxi.

I took it easy at the French place and only had bread and soup. I did indulge in a yummy dessert which seemed to go down just fine.

We walked over to the Drury Lane Theater and enjoyed the musical as mentioned in the previous entry. We took a taxi back to the hotel and hit the sack. A long, fun day!