She Sings

Bon Matin

I saw Pirates III twice this weekend! Friday was the not-so-great-day that was supposed to be good. It was good actually until I came home. I was so excited to go see Pirates with my family and one call from Jon turned the whole evening around. Some lady picked that particular time to go into labor so Jon had to stay and deliver. It was bad enough that I had already bought 5 tickets. I was thinking four of us and Rhi's friend. The only thing is that now there are only three of us (with Rachel gone) and now Jon couldn't go so I had two extra tickets. He had me leave his on the counter in case he finished and was able to come. That never happened.

We had another friend of Rhi's come and pay for the other ticket so we really only lost one ticket. I was stuck with three very excited 5th grade girls, however, which was not what I had planned at all. I took them all to Taco Bell for a quick bite and then we headed to the theater. The theater itself was a madhouse. I saw Rachel running around as she was working that night and that made it all worse for me. To top it all off, this guy behind me in our line reeked of beer. Nasty sour beer. As luck would have it, he sat right next to me in the movie! I had to smell that all through the movie. I even put scented lotion on and stuck some under my nose but it didn't help. I saved Jon's seat which was no easy task as the show was sold out and sat there like a fool when he never showed up. People were giving me evil looks left and right and I can't say I blame them.

Thank God the movie itself was worth it all. I really enjoyed it and couldn't believe that it was almost three hours because it went by fast! Still, by the end of it all I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed.

The next day we ran up to the Mall of America and Jon took Rhianna and her friend to a professional woman's soccer game. It should have been a fun day but it turned out much the same as Friday. It was hard for me to enjoy myself when I knew a lot of work was waiting for me at home. Sunday we decided to go see Pirates again as Jon really wanted to see it and Rhi and I didn't mind going again at all. I went I got some tickets early just in case and ended up having a nice talk with Rachel. She was working and came over to chat with me. She gave me a refund for Jon's ticket from the night before which was nice. Her hands were shaking the entire time we talked. She wanted to know if we were coming to her graduation and I told her we were just as long as she was graduating! She asked if we were still going to keep her on our medical insurance and I said we would of course. It was clear that she is beginning to see how hard it is out there in the real world. She realizes all we do for her and I am hoping this will help her develop respect for us. She wants to come home. That much is true. She hinted around about it until I finally told her straight out that all she had to do was aplogize for her behavior and agree to live by the rules of the house. I left it at that. The rest is up to her. I can't do it all for her. She will have to meet us halfway on this. I feel for her. I know she misses us and misses home and the truth of the matter is that she needs to. She has to really *want* to come home so we don't see this happening again.

She came by the house on her break and I thought for sure she was going to apologize and we'd have her home by that night but I think she doesn't quite have the courage yet. We'll see. I could be totally wrong. Maybe she loves being out on her own.In any case, I was feeling much better about the whole thing having talked with her.

We went and saw Pirates that night with the Maldonados. We arrived late so we didn't really get to talk with them much but the short conversation we had consisted of how I must be crazy for not wanting to move to Wabasha. Jon moonlights there and they are already trying to recruit him. David's telling remark was "have you seen the houses there?" or something like that. He just doesn't get that we are not all about the big house and the money. Our priority is our family and taking Rhi away from her school and her friends at this point just because *we* want more would be selfish. I am happy right where I am for now. When I do move it will be the big move out West where I have always dreamed of living in the mountains. Not Wabasha. David was amazed that we weren't tempted by this offer and suggested I visit the psych ward at Mayo. This from the man who stuck his finger in my ear for no apparent reason when the movie started. Yep. He really reminds me of my brother John in many respects. Freak with a capital "F".

Anyway, I really enjoyed the movie the second time around. Especially since I caught more of the dialog. With all those accents going on, much of what was being said escaped me!

The only downside to the evening was the popcorn. The girl who made Rhi's popcorn put so much butter in it it was leaking out of the bottom of the bag. Before we knew it it was forming a puddle on the ground where my purse was lying. My white purse. It stained my purse and no amount of Shout or detergent was going to get it out. So, new purse. No big deal.

I actually have time to blog this morning because my friend Tracy woke up late so we coudln't walk. We have been walking around the lake every weekday for almost two months now. We walk and then go to Great Harvest for scones. It has been a wonderful way to start the morning plus now I have legs of steel! I was disappointed not to share her company this morning but it did afford me the opportunity to blog! Five more days of school! I can't wait! We are doing School House Rock Live! with the fourth graders at Rhi's school and I can't wait until it's over! Stress! The kids are loving it though. My class is performing Interjections and they are having lots of fun doing the little skits. I best be off.

Weeping

"She went her unremembering way, She went and left in me The pang of all the partings gone, And partings yet to be."
Author: Francis Thompson

I have not had the best few days. The worst part is that they were supposed to be good. Yesterday brought out all the worst. The flood of tears that I resist sometimes for years came pouring out. I miss my daughter and wish she would overcome her own pride and come home.

The feeling of grief was so overwhelming because I stuff my feelings so. I cried not only for the loss of my girl but of the many loved ones taken out of my life over the past ten years. The older I get, the more I lose and I'll tell you quite frankly that it makes me not really want to live to a ripe old age. It is true that I have met many *new* people who love me just the same. I am sentimental, though, and cannot forget so easily the old friends too. The list of people in my mind was so long it almost made me angry. My dad, Mike, Mary, Tom and several alcohlic family members. Even my beloved cat Amber. Whether they died or were merely removed from me matters not. They are gone and as good as dead in that respect.

I even cried for a loss that has yet to come-my mother. The entire rest of my life is going to be about losing everyone I love. Eventually. That is what it all comes to eventually. That sounds pretty depressing but you know it really is true. *Sigh*

oopsy

Mental note:
Check e-mail more regularly. If you get something from dreamhost- open it! They just might be telling you that your credit card expired and you owe them money. They might also be telling you that your site will be shut down until they are paid...

I hate Texas!

I just have to jot down a few thoughts concerning some friends of ours. They are orginally from Texas and the wife really hates living here. She lived her when her husband was in medical school and now many years later they are back. She *really* wasn't happy that she ended up back here and to be quite frank I am pretty sure her husband pulled a fast one behind her back to end up here.

I, for one, was overjoyed that they would be back. They were really good friends of ours in Medical School. My feeling now is a little more guarded. When they came back to live here it was pretty clear that their parenting style differed from ours by miles and it was also clear that one or both of them wanted to minimize contact between our kids so that was that. They are still good friends but I find we have much more fun when we are sans children.

Now that the husband's fellowship is about to end, he is interviewing for a position in pulmonary medicine. The funny part for me is that he doesn't really have a choice as to where they will be living and/or working. His wife is making him pay dearly for bringing them here by taking over his entire career decsion. One thing is certain-they *will* be going to Texas. She has always wanted that and she is going to get her way. She loves loves loves Texas and she makes no bones about how much this place sucks for her and how wonderful Texas is. I know. Don't ask. She is my friend so I keep quiet but even living in Arizona people would call Texas the armpit of the nation (sorry Texans). I have been there a few times and I still don't get her attraction to it but she did grow up there and home is home.

I almost feel bad for her husband. She said she was going to be "hell on wheels" getting out of here and she wasn't joking. She wants to accompany him on all of his interviews and even made him cancel some that were in other places that she won't even consider. She is a very intense person and right now she is hyperfocused on the whole thing and *very* stressed. I am trying to get together with her more to do fun things and hopefully help her to relax a little. I think she really wants to talk about it all so I am trying to be there for her. I went by their house tonight and you could cut the tension with a knife. Her husband seemed very sullen. Well, what comes around goes around I guess.

I feel very bad that they will be leaving. So many close friends have come and gone since we have moved her but we always remain. You know that feeling when you have had guests in your home and then they leave and you feel a little empty for awhile? I already feel that way and they haven't even left. It doesn't help that she keeps talking about how much she just wants to get out of here. Minnesota may not be perfect but I have found it a wonderful place to raise a family and live. The weather suits me (no allergies) and the wild areas are beautiful. I like the small town with little to no crime along with the Clinic nearby for variety. There are worse places to live for sure. Like Texas... Sorry!

Our good friend Alice moved there and my ex best friend lives there too. I don't mind visiting but you'll never find me living there. *shudder*

PS
The King of Queens is FINALLY ending! Yes! There is a God!

Happy Mother's Day

I actually had a very nice Mother's Day even though one of my children wasn't even here to help celebrate. Jon actually moonlights all day today so we celebrated things yesterday.

We woke up and went running together on the Douglas Trail which was so nice. It was my first time running since last September or so and I was pretty anxious about it. I was sure I would begin the way I had before with lots of starts and stops before reaching the end of the trail. I was very much amazed that I reached the end without stopping! I ran a mile flat out! I have been walking around Silver Lake with my friend Tracy for a month now and I guess that has done more good than I thought! I was pretty sure I could do it muscle wise but I didn't think my breathing would be up to the task yet. Not only was it up for the job but I knew I could have kept on going. I really must find out exactly how far Tracy and I have been walking every morning. I have a feeling it's farther than I had imagined! *That* hasn't been easy either. We have to wake up at 5 am to be sure we get the walk in before school. All that dedication paid off I guess.

After running with Jon we went home and he had a nice breakfast from Panera waiting for us. We showered and then he went out to do some "Mother's Day" Shopping" while I did a little of the necessary clean-up around the house. Even though I was cleaning I really enjoyed that time. One of my favorite things is to just be able to have some time alone in my house. It is very soothing for some reason.

Jon returned almost three hours later but he had lunch and my gift so I coudln't complain. I had asked to have a decent bike so I could start biking in addition to my running, walking and hiking and that's what he brought home. It is a very lovely mountain bike that was by no means cheap! He paid extra to get a seat that is specially designed for women. I can't wait to try it out.I rode up and down the cul-de-sac a little but we had to get going out to Whitewater so the real riding would have to wait!

Oh yes. You knew I had to have Whitewater in there! We left kind of late but we still managed to get there in time for a nice hike before it became dark. It was an interesting hike. We had a few little Spring showers and finally a pretty good downpour at the end. It was wonderful. The sounds, sights and feel of May were wonderful. I gathered a small bouquet of wild Phlox to take home and place on my bedside table so I could have a reminder of that lovely place. I would live there if I could. Being out in those woods is so fulfilling to me.

We were treated to a wonderful light show on the way home. The sun kept playing peek-a-boo through the clouds casting a strange and beautiful light. I will get some pictures up soon.

Upon our arrival home, we were exhausted! We were going to go get Famous Dave's for dinner but Jon offered to go pick some up and bring it home. He'll never know how much that meant! I was just so tired... The day ended with a fabulous foot massage.

Today was kind of like a small extention of Mother's Day for me. I went running with my friend Kecia first thing this morning. We were going to go outside but the weather was windy and cold so she took us to the Rochester Athletic Club. We had a nice run and talk to start the day. After running with Kecia I went home and had breakfast with Rhianna.

Rhianna set up a bubble bath and candles for me complete with a foot massage afterwards. She ran down and made me a sweet little card whist I was in the bath. She is so thoughtful. She also had given me a bunch of Chocolate the day before so she already could do no wrong!

We both dressed and took my friend Tracy out for brunch. He husband isn't very thoughtful (he purchased a coffee mug for her for Christmas and bought himself a $200 watch) when it comes to holidays. She has been having a very hard time lately so I took her and her son out. After brunch we went down to the lake to show the kids the little goslings we have been seeing every morning when we walk. They are actually most of the reason I am able to get up that early to walk! They are the most precious things! I took some pictures of them too so I'll have those up later.

After we fed some bread to the babies we went over to one of the nearby parks. It made me a little melancholy. We used to take Rhianna there all the time when she was small. I have many memories of our old friends the Cody's and all the Fourth of July's we spent together in that park. Rhianna and Maya used to play there when they were toddlers. They were so cute! Bittersweet!

I became very sleepy at the park and had to get out of there before I fell asleep. I had a very strong urge to take off and go to Whitewater but I knew that there was lots to do at home and Rhi was kind of cranky so I just headed home.

I had a very good day but I am beyond tired. Tomorrow is my personal day so I am looking forward to doing whatever I want. Paint? Plant? Whitewater by myself? All of the above? We will see.

Bye Bye Baby

*Really* long story short, Rachel moved out. She somehow had the idea that when she turned 18 she wouldn't have to follow any rules anymore. She further decided that it was somehow OK to call us filthy names. Her language in the past month or so has been horrid and I have no idea why. It reached it's peak when she called myself and Rhi bit*#^@ and who*%s. Tuesday she called Jon a few of the same and told him to f*%# off. We told her she had two weeks to move out. There is no way I will let anyone living in my home treat me and my family that way. Especially my own daughter.

The level of peace since she left is amazing. I hadn't realized how stressful things had become. It is totally the feeling of a huge weight being lifted off of me. I miss her and really wish it had not come to this but at the same time she is 18 and her problems are her own to solve. We can't fix it for her anymore nor should we. If you love your kids you set down the rules and darn well enforce them as painful as that may be.

I don't know for sure who she is staying with but we do know that with only 3 weeks of school left this became her big excuse to stop going to school. She will be attending night school apparently and will graduate with everyone but she dropped her medical careers class. So much for nursing. So much for college for that matter. I know the ending to this story because I've seen it go on in my family my entire life. She will move to Utah still (somehow) and still live with my sister, she won't go to school because she will want to work full-time and party instead and finally she will end up pregnant and get married at a young age. Oh, I forgot. It's possible she will join the Military if all else fails. The End.

In the meantime, I have both arms wrapped around Rhianna nice and tight.

The Art Institute

I may have set the record as the worst blogger that ever was! Here I am on the final Chicago day and the trip took place a month ago! Things have been crazy. No, I mean crazy. Crazy as in at this point Rachel is kicked out of our house and unless she straightens out she won't be back. More on that later...

Our last full day in Chicago was spent at the American Girl Place and the Art Institute. In retrospect, the Art Institute should have been done on our *first* day. By the third day, everyone was cranky and tired. We walked everywhere and it was cold which just made matters worse.

The American Girl Place is a girl's doll dream come true. It was pretty impressive if not completely commercial. The Brunch was OK but not great. The food itself was kind of strange. Rhi had the first of many fits that day here. She was tired and whiny and wanted us to buy her the moon and the stars and we just couldn't. We did buy a few things in the end and set off back to the hotel to give everyone a nap.

The nap did help but walking from the hotel to the Art Institute was quite a haul and it wasn't long before Rhi began complaining again. Once inside things were better for awhile. I wasn't sure I would really fall for an art museum but this place blew me away. There is just something about standing there right in front of some of these amazing works that give you a thrill. We took pictures here and there but the lighting was weird so most of the pictures didn't come out. We were lucky enough to be there for the Cezanne to Piccaso Exibition.This exhibition was organized by the Art Institute of Chicago, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, the Musée d’Orsay, Paris, and the Réunion des Musées Nationaux, Paris.It was incredible and left me in wonder. No pictures were allowed but many of those works are now burned into my memory. I stood before "Starry Night Over the Rhone" and had trouble moving away so someone else could have a peek. I now know the meaning of the word "master". These works moved me as much as any musical composition would have but in such a different way. Van Gogh's stuff is almost surreal and makes me feel as though I am dreaming or having some kind of flashback to another lifetime entirely. It feels familiar to me.

I studied Art, Architecture and Sculpture both in High School in an Honors Humanities course as well as in college. It was so fullfilling to be there see things I had only previously seen a book or on TV. Tom bought me a gigantic book on French Impressionism for my birthday or our Anniversary or something back in the day. I wasn't really into Impressionism so much then but now have developed a healthy appreciation for it. I think I threw that book away though. Too "Tom" for me.

The Art was great but the rest of the day was not. While we were there we had a call from the ER in Rochester. Rachel had been a little sick before we left and ended up going into the ER. They admitted her because she said she was having trouble swallowing among other things. We went back and forth long distance while trying to tour the Institute which took away from the experience some. By the time we were ready to leave and walk back to the hotel, everyone wanted to bite off everyone else's head. Rhianna was just impossible. Let's just say we were more than ready to head home the next day. I think if it had been just Jon and I we would have been fine but Rhianna was just plain tired from three days of running. Upon our arrival home,we went sprung Rachel from the hospital and thanked her boyfriend for helping to care for her while we were away. She was fine and it turns out she probably exaggerated (sp?) her symptoms just a bit for God only knows what reason.

All in all, this was a wonderful trip and I will never regret taking it. I have fallen in love with Chicago as a neat little big city get-a-way! There were many things we never had a chance to do so I know we will be back. Our immediate focus will be going to see my mom in Idaho but I would love to spend a few days back in Chicago over the summer when the weather is warmer. We will see.