Happy Birthday to my very good friend Tracy! I spent the day with her today and we really had a good time. It gave me a chance to take a much needed break from home. We have had carpet installed in the entire basement and the contents of the basement are all over the house. Rachel is also providing lots of stress and Rhi has been no angel either!
We started the day with our morning walk around the lake. After a lovely walk and good conversation we hit Great Harvest for our usual morning mango tea and savannah bars (plus a cinnamon chip scone today!)! After breakfast we headed over to my school and I had a chance to get into my classroom for the first time and set up my desk and some of my room while watching Y&R. It was pretty sweet!Next was our usual Thursday visit to the street fair downtown. We walked over to the bank so I could get some cash and then went to lunch at a very tasty Italian place. We split salad and pasta and snagged a free desert for Tracy as it was her birthday.We walked back down to the street fair and had our hands done at the Henna Hut. We found out it was going to be their last time at the street fair so we savored our last taste of henna. For now! They actually told us that we could buy henna ourselves at a local international spice store. We walked down and managed to find some despite the fact that the two men that were left to mind the store spoke no English! That was a feat in and of itself!TJ Maxx was our next stop. By this time I was getting very sleepy and trouble staying awake! Sadly, even after having had eight hours sleep last night, I wanted a nap! We drove over to Tracy's and a little can of Coke woke me up! We waited for Tracy's son to get off the bus and then we all went to Stardust. Cute movie. I love Robert DeNiro in this! I am very tired but still have to get Rhi to practice her horn and see if Rachel actually brings back our car that Jon said she could borrow. Yep. A quote for Tracy:"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Happy Birthday to our neighbor boy Gavin and our good friend Dr. David Maldonado III! Rhi is over at a party with Gavin and we will be taking David and his family out to dinner tonight! I thought I'd go ahead and type in his full name to see how many google hits we get!
We had rain ALL DAY yesterday so we have some massive flooding around the city today. Jon and Rachel are at work so I am going to pick up Tracy and we are going to go and check out the flood damage as well as pick up some paint for Rhi's room. New carpet is being laid in the basement Wednesday so I have to finish the painting down there. I don't know what's going to happen with Rachel yet so I won't get to paint that room until later. Oh well. The best part of the evening was that no one won the powerball! It's up to 245 mill with my name on it baby!Another thing I look forward to each year? Hurricaine season ;)Tracy and I had a nice long bike ride yesterday. The weather was perfect! We finally had some drier cooler air. It took us awile to ride the almost 20 miles of the trail round trip but it was worth it. Believe me, I feel the burn! Actually the sorest part of me is my bottom. I don't have much in the way of natural padding so there wasn't much to cushion the ride.
When I came home I confronted Rachel about the boy being over. She began to cry and told me that she had him over to help her clean up her room so we could go to Big Woods State Park that day. I had a long conversation with her the night before about taking her to Big Woods. We had it planned awhile back since it was her next day off. After all of the drama of the last few days, however, I wasn't thinking I wanted to spend time with her. After all, she couldn't even bring herself to apologize for the first time she was kicked out. She begged and pleaded with me though and told me that the problem was more with Jon and her and not with me. Tell me something I don't already know! Still, he is her father and my husband and she has to work through that. We ended the conversation by me saying I'd think about it but that I wanted her room cleaned up no matter what.So, she has her boyfriend come over and allows him to stay past midnight (against the rules) to help her clean. She wakes up when Tracy and I return from biking and is confused as to why I didn't wake her to get ready to go to Big Woods. By now, it is already noon so it's too late anyway. I took her back into my room and told her that I couldn't believe she was thinking I'd want to be with her all day after she broke yet another rule! She just didn't get it. She cried about not being able to go and said she wasn't going to sit around on her day off. She couldn't even address the issue of what she had done! I told her as much and said that I really worried about how she has no clue about how her actions affect others. She said that her boyfriend wouldn't be staying over any more because he was getting an apartment and she would be staying with him at night instead of him coming over here. She kept saying over and over that he was only there to help her clean so she could go. I just shook my head and told her that the real problem is her unwillingness to follow our rules regardless of whether or not she like and/or understands them. She is unwilling to do that so it just isn't working and she has to find another place. She became angry and vowed to not to sign up for college classes because how can she try to live on her own and work and try to get a car and go to school? (it's all *our* fault)I let her know that I did all of those things at her age.I worked full-time from the time I turned 16 and moved out after I graduated. I worked and went to school and managed my transportation as well. It can be done. I don't know. She just doesn't seem to get anything. Today she was acting as if nothing happened. Total denial. I don't think she took me seriously when I told her she has two weeks to find another place and truth be told I don't want to do it. I want to get her counseling and help her to follow our rules but I have to follow through or she will only learn that she can walk all over us. *sigh* I went through the day with much the same denial. I just don't have the energy to dwell on it each day and continually address it on my own. Tracy and I went out on Lake Zumbro with our friend Sue. Tracy did some waterskiing and we all did alot of lounging and chatting. It was once again a beautiful day and being with my friends out on the lake was just the break I needed. Tracy and I did some walking this morning and some running around tonight so I am exhausted! I am just waiting to see if Rachel needs a ride home and then I am down for the count! Tomorrow is sure to be another busy day...Well, Rachel has sealed her fate. She had her boyfriend spend the night last night so she will be leaving. Jon came in at 4 am and woke me up to happily announce it to me. The best part is that he will be gone til God knows when so I get to deal with it all. *sigh* I think I am going to take up drinking...
It somehow feels like my divorce did. It feels like someone has died. I know it is what I have to do but it so much like what happened with Tom. I say goodbye to someone and go through all of the grief and then they come back and there is a spark of hope for a renewed relationship. Just like that the hope is snuffed out and I am left alone once again. "Better to have loved and lost..."??? I am thinking not. How much can one person bear? Alone? That's the worst part. I do have Tracy. She is here now and we are getting ready to go out on a bike ride. We should ride almost 15 miles or so altogether. When I return I will have Rachel to deal with though. Fun fun fun.I will also have the nasty pepper pan from the stuffed peppers I made that nobody ate. Two hours of cooking time wasted. Do I feel underappreciated? No wonder I hate cooking.I'd like to say everything is going well with Rachel but it simply ain't so. She has not yet been here a week and has already broken a few of the rules on our rules sheet. The biggest one that she is unwilling to follow is "no boys sleeping over". We told her that this includes boys just being in the house after midnight during the summer and 9 or 10 during school. She hates that rule...
We have tried to have a few talks with her but they have mostly turned into horrible shouting episodes led by my husband. The result of today's episode is that she is going to "think about" whether or not she can abide by the rules. She also owes us an apology and does not seem forthcoming with that. I am not sure why my husband has taken this particular time to not support me but it is making this 100% more difficult for me. He has issues when it comes to Rachel and I have no idea what they are but it expresses itself as loathing. If I were Rachel, I would feel very unloved by him as a father. He favors Rhi and practically ignores Rachel. It has been like that ever since Rhi was born. A really irrational part of me wonders why I keep picking men that hate my kid. Ironically, as a baby, both Tom and Jon were battling it out to be Rachel's father. Now they can't get out of her life soon enough! Another part of me is really angry that Jon pulls this kind of crap right when I need him the most. Not only is he not there for me but he is pointing a finger of blame in my direction. And not just about Rachel, about everything! If anything goes wrong it is my fault. Do you know why that is? That would be because I am pretty much responsible for everything. The entire household. I work, I clean, I do laundry, pay the bills, grocery shop, do all other shopping, provide the meals, taxi everyone around, take Rhi to medical and dental appts, etc... On and on. Not only is this extra effort to keep things going not recognized in any way shape or form but when I can't quite balance it all and something- anything goes wrong he yells at me. And I do mean yells.I feel very frustrated tonight and alienated as well. Both my daughter and my husband are evolving into people I don't know and don't care to know. I have my friend Tracy for support and when school comes I'll have other friends there too. Still, the real support is supposed to be from the one person who just can't or won't give it right now and that is very hurtful.After an almost 4 month stint out in the "real world", Rachel has finally come home! She signed a contract outlining the house rules yesterday and had planned to move back in Sunday. I told her to take her time reading through the rules and not to sign until she was sure she could live with them all. She just looked at me and signed it right then and there. It wasn't long after that Sunday became last night and she went and moved herself out of the house she had been living in and came home. It was very nice to have my baby sleeping down in her room where she belongs and I know she could hardly wait to be there.
The night was a little rough for me. I was up checking on her several times and then we had some very nasty weather that come through and woke me yet again. I spent most of today with a throbbing headache that wouldn't quit. Still, I am one happy mom...Kicking her out of the house was one of the hardest parenting decisions I have ever had to make. It was compounded by a few parents who threw their two cents in making it clear that they disagreed with my "tough love" approach. Our good friends David and Kecia were some of them. Despite the doubt that they encouraged, everything always came back to my values system and my own deep conviction that what I was doing was hard but that it *was* right. Our friends mostly worried that our decision would affect Rachel's education. It did for a fact but what good is an education if you are some kind of self-centered sociopath that thinks they can run around and do whatever they want? The #1 most important value I want to impart to my children is not education. While it is way up there on the list, #1 is without question to BE A GOOD PERSON. Period. That's what I have hung on to this entire time. I want her to be responsible for herself, respectful and kind. I want her to have bounderies and to realize how lucky she is to have the things she has. Yes I want her to learn but sometimes that learning has to happen outside of this house. The most important lesson I pray she learned from all of this is that indeed, there is no place like home and nobody loves you like family. The most important for me is to stay true to my convictions and lead by example. I am working very hard on that last one! After all, we all hope our kids turn out a bit better than ourselves!I absolutely cannot comprehend this. Rachel and I were just driving up in that area yesterday and witnessed a horrible accident on the I-35. Who would have thought that one day later things would be so much worse. I am thankful we missed this bridge collapse and I am saying some prayers for those that didn't. I can't remember when I have seen anything like this. The only thing that comes close in my memory is the bridge in San Fran that collapsed during the 1989 earthquake. This is really horrible. People here are reeling.