Just a few more hours and 2007 will be gone for good! Good riddens I say! 2007 SUCKED! I rarely use word if I can help it but no other word aptly describes 2007 for me.
2007 was a year of extreme change for me. Not all of it was good. I started the year with my new "40" years old status. I rather enjoyed turning 40 but living 40 is a different matter. You do tend to think more about your own mortality which can be depressing to say the least. If I wasn't feeling 40 in the beginning of 2007, I felt it on Rachel's 18th birthday in April. It was very surreal to see my baby turn 18 and graduate from High School just a month later. Let's not forget her little teenage drama that got her kicked out of the house. That was fun...The summer was sad without my daughter at home. We had a lovely trip to see my mother in Idaho but to see her in such rough shape is always difficult.Little did I know I would be lucky to see her at all.The end of summer did not hold much more joy for us. Our good friends made their final decision to move back to their home state of Texas. We kind of hoped they would stay or that if they did move it would be to a place we might like to visit someday. Oh well. C'est la vie there. September has always been a hard month anyway. The beginning of school combined with the Sept.11 memorial is always a stressful time. That month became the worst month of the year for me when my brother called to say "mom just died". His exact words. Sept. 16th mom passed on from this world. The funeral that followed saw my family (not immediate) torn apart both by the shadow of my step-father, whose influence sadly can still be felt, and the airing of petty grievences of those that have no sense of decency or class. We were fighting like dogs as my mom lay on a mantel totally forgotten. I have no idea even today if she has been properly buried or not. She may very well be in some basement closet for all I know.After my mom's funeral I was left to grieve these past months. Work has been difficult and being at home has been harder. Thanksgiving I was a basket case. I really hope no one noticed as this was to be our last Thanksgiving with our Texas friends. I am thankful for their support as well as my rock Tracy. She has been such a wonderful friend to me through all of this. I really don't know what I would do without her.December. There was joy and sorrow both this month. I really enjoyed my birthday and Christmas. Jon's mom and sister were a Godsend! It was so nice to have family around! A family that doesn't drink and fight all the time too! Bonus! It was very sad to say goodbye to them though. Jon's mom left on Sunday and we took Rebecca up to the airport tonight. I am now in a messy house with Rachel and Jon. We thought we might get together with Kecia tonight but just as last year, she cancelled. Don't think 2007 is going out without one last sucker punch at me. It was saving the best for last. Rachel tells me yesterday that she thinks she is pregnant. Yup. Happy friggin New Year! I know this is very much a "poor me" whine session but that's OK. I need to get this out. This year just sucked and it is what it is. *shrug* Not much to do but suck it up and keep on living. That's life after all. There are good times and bad and this is just one of those trying years for me. I'll live. 2008 is just around the corner and I know it holds much better things for me. There is hope! The show must go on..."Empty spaces - what are we living for?
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score..
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are looking for?
Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
The Show must go on!
The Show must go on!
Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on!
Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance.
Another heartache - another failed romance.
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess i'm learning
I must be warmer now..
I'll soon be turning round the corner now.
Outside the dawn is breaking,
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!
The Show must go on!
The Show must go on! Yeah!
Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking!
But my smile, still, stays on!
Yeah! oh oh oh
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,
Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die,
I can fly, my friends!
The Show must go on! Yeah!
The Show must go on!
I'll face it with a grin!
I'm never giving in!
On with the show!
I'll top the bill!
I'll overkill!
I have to find the will to carry on!
On with the,
On with the show!
The Show must go on."
Queen
I have several very good reasons why I have not posted lately! Really! Reason #1: Busy. Plain and simple. I have my SIL and MIL in my home and life has been very busy. Reason #2: Sick. For a good deal of the Holiday including Christmas Eve and Christmas I have had a very bad chest cold and Jon had Strep. Not fun! Reason #3: Depressed/sad. Despite my grand plan to have lots to do and plenty of family around, I still felt down sometimes. The grief over my mom's death kind of leaks out of me instead of crashing out in a torrent as I had imagined. I just never know what is going to set it off and I wonder how long this will go on. One of my kids at school got up on Sharing Day and sang "Motherless Child". That did it... Reason #4: The computer has been giving us fits. Jon is trying some kind of a new firewall and it is screwing everything up. *Sigh*. Life is sure never boring, that's for sure.
"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence."
Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
I am very sick but happy all the same. I have some of Jon's family here to keep me company along with Rachel's boyfriend Pete and our friends came over for Christmas dinner. What a lovely evening!
I am so tired that I think I will crawl from the computer room to my bed. I have been trying to get my daughter to practice her horn for an hour and I just can't stay awake anymore. I woke up with a killer sore throat. That is the last thing I need.
I was thinking this morning about how much it sucks to be the 6th child in a family of 7. I am only 40 and my Grandparents and parents are already dead. Nice. Even better, I'll get to live to watch all my brothers go before me. Nicer. I know. I am a bundle of cheer. It really has been a pity party day for me. Demotivator:INTIMIDATION
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but you'd be a fool to withold that from your superiors."
LEAVE THE VENTS ALONE! Cripes! The kids are complaining that it is too hot downstairs so I opened the upstairs vents (our room is cold-so heat rises doesn't apply) and partially closed the downstairs vents. Everyone was happy and then you had to come along and change it all!
Today has been what I like to call Tom day. My ex-husband was always late to everything and so was I today. It was a "swimming against the tide" day to be sure. The entire day was spent doing one thing quickly so I could be late to the next thing. And believe me, there is *always* a next thing. The most depressing thing is that after running so hard all day I have to come home to dirty dishes, a half shoveled driveway, no dinner, half done laundry and ironing. Oh, and a tree with no lights. Demotivator for today:GIVE UP
"At some point hanging in there makes you look like an even bigger loser."
DOUBT
In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world.
He is coming to the Midwest! Only 5 hours away from me! I think I may need to make a trip to Chicago @March 10th...
I had such a nice dream last night. I dreamt that our friends were not really moving to Texas. They had been offered a better deal at Mayo and they took it. Or at least David took it, probably to his wife's displeasure (she hates it here). Dream on! I woke up feeling the reality of the situation hit me and suddenly realized that it is entirely possible that he was not offered a position at Mayo. They both claim they were but I am beginning to think otherwise. Unless you are going to Johns Hopkins (the top rated hospital in the US), who in their right mind would leave the Mayo Clinic? It is after all "Mayo" and if you are into names, which they are, it is one of the best! Especially for a specialty like David's. Now I feel bad harping on it in their company. If he wasn't offered a position, I might be rubbing salt in the wound. I am an idiot.I want to think he is good, but maybe for a specialty they are looking for more? This explaination, above all others make the most sense to me. After all, he went through an awful lot of trouble to come back here for his fellowship. Why do all that only to leave again? Oh well.Reality, they are leaving. Again...
"Taking Over Me"
Evanescence
you don't remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do...
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
have you forgotten all i know
and all we had?
you saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
i knew you loved me then
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
i look in the mirror and see your face
if i look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like you are taking over
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
Taking over me
Your Taking Over Me
Taking over me
Taking over me
One of my favorites.This has been in my head all day! All the live long day. Yes, a very long day.
Johnny singing. There's really nothing better!
More snow is forecast for us but as usual not enough for a snow day. Darn! Just enough to continue the snow/ice mess we already have going on. I am so very tired tonight. I walked with Tracy after school, ran Rhi to basketball practice, came home to eat, took Rachel to get some shoes and came home. *sigh* I hate being this tired. So much to do. So much. I can just feel time slipping away from me. So fast. Always so fast.
Thursday I see a Doc about my side pain. Hopefully she can order a scan so we can see if there are some gallstones in there. Growing old is not for the faint of heart!