Tonight I am breathing a huge sigh of relief for several reason. The first, knock on wood, is that the family is finally halfway healthy. The flu is hitting hard here and it seems everyone has had it but me. I probably cursed myself just now! Jon still has a cough but I think he's got his cold on the run. The other reason we are breathing a sigh of relief is that basketball season is over. Finally! I know that there has to be "bad seasons" every now and then and we just had ours! We were stuck with a last minute volunteer coach who knows next to nothing about girls basketball. The way the teams were divided was less than helpful as well. We ended up with girls that have never even played and thus we spent the season learning things that Rhi has spent years in camps and on leagues learning. It would not have been so bad if we would have paid all that money to do this and she would have at least learned something but she didn't. If anything she picked up some bad habits. I am hoping we can find someone to work with her one-on-one this summer instead of doing a camp. We'll see.
No basketball means no running to practices twice a week and to games on Saturday. We have a month until soccer so we do get a much needed break. Rhi needs to have more time to devote to school. Her grades have been *OK* but that girl could be getting straight A's so easily.My friend Tracy did not escape the flu. We haven't been able to walk the past few days because she is sick at home. I called and asked if I could bring something by for her. She wanted Diet Coke and chocolate! That's my girl! That's about what I'd want too! I am hoping she feels better soon. I am going to keep her company Saturday while her EX comes to get his crap. That ought to be entertaining...As for me, I can't wait for Spring. I am sick of the weather and all of the stress of recent changes. I am *really* looking forward to long walks in the woods soon. Very soon. I'll be able to think when I am out there. Peace and quiet. I'd love that.There are times in my life where I really feel like I am on top of things. The captain of my ship and all that. Other times, like this year, I feel more like a piece of driftwood. The waves of misfortune that keep knocking up against my door remind me that some kind of life lesson is here.
My friend Heather came into my life in 1995 or so. She and her husband came to live with us for a summer as part of some summer job thing Mayo had going on to try and recruit folks. I was pregnant with Rhianna and was not feeling well most of the time but they both helped out and made life fun. Heather is very intelligent, outgoing, athletic and beautiful. She eventually applied and was accepted into the same MD/PhD program Jon was in. She was Native American and had been recruited by the same guy Jon had, Rick McGee. She also became pregnant that summer and had her first baby a few months before graduating college. She and her husband moved to Rochester and lived here until 2001 when they moved to Salt Lake City for her Residency. She ended up dropping out of the PhD portion of the program and completed only the MD. We have visited them several times in Salt Lake and on our last visit it was clear that something was wrong. I am not going to go into the specifics of the situation but in the end Heather was estranged from her husband and family and living with her mother in Colorado. She died on Jan 24 of septicemia (blood poisoning). Heather always had health issues that plagued her off and on but I would never in a million years thought that she would die this young. I am still in shock and now feel the weight of two ghosts that follow me on a daily basis. I keep the memories of my mom and Heather close to me each day. I allow myself to experience each memory and the grief it brings. I believe that eventually time will heal this. I know that as horrible as this is for me right now, it could be worse. Last night I was reminded that I have many other things I should be thankful of. Jon has been battling with some kind of illness since Christmas. He finally gave in and treated it with antibiotics and it did seem better but it really never left him. After a weekend of moonlighting and call, it became worse. Much worse. I came home from school yesterday and he announced that he wanted to go to the ER. That's when I know it's bad. Jon has only missed one day of work since we moved here and that was this past December. If he is complaining, it's bad. He announced that he had the worst headache of his life as well as a fever of 103 with Advil and Tylenol on board. He insisted on a shower before we left. He took much longer than I thought he needed to so I went to check on him. He was on the floor with his head between his hands claiming he was "a little dizzy". I was pretty intent on getting him into the car and up to the ER as fast as possible. I didn't know what was going on but it wasn't good. Long night and story short, he is OK. Not 100% to be sure, but better. The fever and headache fluctuate. I stayed home with him today and kept an eye on him. They tested for all the big bad stuff and all tests were negative (meningitis, influenza, tumor). The CT and Spinal Tap in the ER will cost a pretty penny but at least we know he has nothing major. We'd like to keep it that way. They are thinking it is strep and treating him accordingly. Rest and antibiotics. He has call on Saturday so we are really hoping that staying home tomorrow will help.Taking him in and sitting there helplessly watching as he was in so much pain was horrible. After what happened to Heather, I couldn't help but panic and imagine the worst. I am pretty strong but I'll tell you that without the love of my life by my side, I am not sure where I'd be. Ironically, this turned out to be the best Valentine's Day yet. I have never before appreciated having him with me on this day so much. He could have given me a bag of dog poop as a present and I still would have kissed him and thanked him because at least he was there to give me something. As it turns out, a ruby ring/necklace ensemble and Godiva won over dog poop anyway. I have lost a lot in the past few months in my loved ones leaving this earth. After last night, it is much easier to keep in mind that despite what has been lost there is so much I have that I can be thankful for. I keep a weathered eye to the future as well for the one thing that can truely heal the wounds of a life lost. New life. In August I will have a new life to hold and a new role as well-Grandma.For mein Mann:
Happy Valentines Day!
"Ooo. you make me live
whatever this world can give to me
It's you, you're all I see
Ooo, you make me live now honey
Ooo, you make me live
You're the best friend
that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You're my best friend
Ooo, you make me live
I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me girl (boy!)
I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend.
You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love
The things that you do
You're my best friend
Ooo, you make me live.
I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend
You're my best friend
Ooo, you make me live
You, you're my best friend."
Queen
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
The cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one missed step One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed upHeaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
The cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I've known
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one missed step One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Fallen-Sarah Mclachlan
Heather Heim Cody
Heather Heim Cody 1970 ~ 2008 Dr. Heather Heim Cody, 37, of Salt Lake City passed away on Thursday, January 24, 2008 at Centura Heath Center in Parker, Colorado. Heather was buried at the Kennekuk Indian Cemetery on the Kickapoo Reservation near Horton, KS on January 30, 2008. Heather was born on September 23, 1970 in Atchison, Kansas the daughter of Allan and Donna Weldon Heim. Heather graduated from Overland High School in Aurora, CO then continued her education at Benedictine College in Atchison, KS. Atchison is where Heather met her loving husband, Mark, in chemistry class and the couple was married on August 27, 1994. Atchison is also where the couple had their first son, Alex. After completing her undergraduate studies, Heather entered the Mayo Medical School in Rochester, MN. Heather's intelligence and caring nature helped her excel in her studies. During Heather's time in Rochester, the couple had their second son, Brenden. Heather continued her education at the University of Utah. Heather was very proud of her Native American heritage as member of the Kickapoo Tribe of Kansas. As member of St. Vincent DePaul Catholic Church in Utah, Heather's love of Jesus was also very important. Heather was a young beautiful woman who loved spending time with her family and friends. Whenever asked to volunteer, she was one of the first to help. Her caring nature was evident in all aspects of her life. Heather loved to ski, play soccer, read books, play with her puppies, and most of all, "hang out with her guys". A memorial fund has been set up at US Bank under "Heather Cody Memorial Fund" for Heather's two boys.
Published in the Salt Lake Tribune on 2/3/2008.
Jon called me with the news that our very close friend Heather died. She and her husband Mark lived with us for a summer and we stayed very close thoughout medical school and thereafter. This is unbelievable.
My personal little weather forcast:
"Dear Michelle,
Wow is it cold outside! Yet another arctic airmass has taken up residence in our region and it looks to stick around for the remainder of the weekend. A Wind Chill Warning is in effect for Saturday night and Sunday morning as wind chills will be at dangerous and perhaps deadly levels, reaching -45 at times. High pressure will bring us sunshine for Sunday, but temperatures will likely stay slightly below zero at their warmest in the afternoon. Wind chills Sunday will "improve" to minus 25 by the afternoon hours as cold temperatures will team up with brisk winds to make for a rather chilly scenario. A potent storm system Monday will bring a chance for some light to moderate snow to the region, possibly spreading a few inches of accumulation across our local area. We'll also have a chance for snow by Thursday of next week."
We are into the dog days of Winter right now and life is hard! This is the time of year when you are more than sick of the cold and snow and you long for Spring. I had dreams last night of planting things out around the house. If only! I may seek to get a few more green plants inside. I always used to have tons but cats can make life with plants hard. I think green things around me would help with the Winter blues though.
Another helpful thing is looking forward to my summer vacation! I wanted to do something for Spring Break too but I have a feeling Jon is going to drop the ball on that one. He doesn't seem to excited about doing anything and claims that he doesn't even know if Mayo will give him the time off. Ditto for summer. Apparently he just won't know his schedule until the last minute making it impossible to plan ahead and *really* look forward to anything. I have a bad feeling he won't get more than a week for the summer and that's going to be a bummer because driving to Arizona alone takes time. We could fly of course but we promised to visit Jon's sister in Albuquerque as part of our trip so we'd have to work that in somehow as well as rent a car while we are there. I like to drive and I especially like the drive to Az. There is so much to see and do! I would love to see my blog friend Claire in Iowa on the way! However we get there, I will be thrilled to go! We haven't been there since we moved my mom in 1996! (there will be some ghosts to deal with that with that) There was no water in the river when I was there. I know it has changed greatly. I love to fill my dreary days with plans. We will be staying with Jon's mom of course who lives in Tempe right behind the Earnhart car dealership. There are so many things to see and do in Tempe for Jon and I. I want to go see all my old neighborhoods and visit favorite resterants and stores. I want to go to ASU and check that out as well as all the new areas surrounding it. I would *love* to have a meet-up with my blog friend Sue as well as my brother and nephew who still live there. I want to take the girls to see the Grand Canyon and Tucson. Finally, I would really love to drive over to San Diego for a day or two. That may have to be a different trip though. We'll just see how things go. Maybe Jon can drive down with us and fly back when he needs to be back.
Our Maldonado friends will be in Texas by then so maybe we could come by and visit them! This is a house that Kecia flew down to look at a few weeks ago. She said it would be right across from where David will work. I haven't been able to talk to her to see if she liked it or not. I would like to see my friend Mary again some day too but I don't think she is ready for that. She lived in Austin last I knew which was about the most scenic place in Texas I have yet seen. The rest is just not much to look at...In other news, I am slowly coming around to the reality of becoming a Grandma. She is 11 weeks or so along (due date August 23 or so) so I guess I already *am* a Grandma. I have really tried to get past my anger and see the positives in this situation. Here are a few:That's it so far. I have told a few people at work and they have been wonderful in assuring me that it will all work out in the end. I am by far the youngest Grandma in the building and already feel the need to know the sex as I eye Gymboree on my walks at the mall with Tracy.
Tracy's divorce is final! I am so proud of the way she has held up through this! It has been a long road in one sense and yet just last year at this time she was married. I have tried not to talk about it too much here until it was final. No I can tell you how frightening alike her ex and my ex are! The similarities are scary! Her ex loves to buy "top of the line" expensive stuff and always had to have those things NOW. No delay gratification whatsoever. Poor credit as a result. They both act like they are so liberal and yet they demean women and live out stereotypes in insidious ways. One happens to be a nasty little addiction that her ex has that involved the computer and women.I can totally see my ex going there too. Her ex even recently joined The Unitarian Church just as my ex recently did. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that church (although Tracy doesn't feel that way!) but it seems queer that these self-centered ego maniacs are drawn together by the same things. Tracy and I are working on a musical that chronicles her marriage to him (insert tongue into cheek here!) It will be titled "I Can't Believe I Married a Sociopath!" We have already come up with a few choice songs but they are too raw to mention here!