Rachel found our today what I already knew. My entire life I have been horrible at trying to predict the sex of a baby including my own. Until now. I knew she had a little boy in there and today it was confirmed with an ultrasound. I will have a Grandson. Rachel already had a girl's named picked out but was undecided on a boy's name. I have taken to calling him Robbie. We'll see.
I am feeling pretty satisfied with my weight loss. I lost another pound last week putting my total at 6lbs in a month. If I continue at this rate I will come very close to meeting my goal at the end of April! I should say the "intial" goal which is 10 percent of what you weigh or something like that. All I know is that by the end of May I am sure I will be right where I want to be and then it's a matter of maintaining, which is no small matter at all! I really like going to the weight watchers meetings and chatting with other people that have the same struggles that I do. Cravings are really hard to resist and for me certain times of the month are worse than others as well as certain times of the day. Evenings are the roughest but I have tried to fight that by getting into bed to read early and going to sleep early.Spring Break will be a challenge too as I will not be on a regular schedule and will be tempted to eat more. We plan to spend a day at the Science Museum and the Mall of America and I know those will be hard days. The good news about Spring Break is that I will have more time to walk and maybe even start to run if the weather is nice. Now that I have made a change in my diet the excercise actually yields results. Results are what I am seeing when I look in the mirror! One little roll that was starting is gone and the other has shrunk! I'm lovin' it!
I was just going through some old discs that we have in our computer disc drawer. I found some really old ones that my ex gave us when he was here. One is a photo CD. It was bittersweet to see old pictures of our cat Chloe who has since passed on. The *really* weird thing was to see photos from our wedding that had been scanned on there. That in and of itself was an odd thing to put on the disc. The really strange thing was how Tom labled the pictures. Every picture with me was labled "Chel". In all the time we have been together he has *never* called me that. It has never been a nickname or anything else for me (mostly because I hate it). My mom called me *shelly* sometimes and only Mary ever called me Chel. Never Tom. This was all put together in 1998 which I believe is the time he was getting to know his current wife online. Her name is Chel. Michelle like me (only spelled the evil way with only one "l") but she goes by Chel. I am officially freaked out. I was half kidding about Tom trying to replace me with someone *like* me and trying to recreate the life we had but right now I am thinking I was right on. If I were her, I would think this at least a little odd if not totally freaky. Wow.
Well for starters, I actually penned this entry last Friday. I spent a good portion of my morning writing a cool entry but it was all lost in the accidental stroke of a key on my keyboard. The irony of the title was not lost on me!
Friday was supposed to be my personal day. My friend Tracy and I had been trying to coordinate our personal days for at least a year now. Our plan was to have a day of shopping at the Mall of America. It was seriously all I have been looking forward to lately. That little "push" that was going to get me through to Spring Break.I even had a retired teacher as a sub so I didn't have to make plans! Fate was not with us this round. A wonderful March winter storm brought a snow day to us instead. Hmmm, day at Mall of Amercia with my friend or trapped in my house (again) with both of my girls? That's a tough one...I was so disappointed I can't even tell you. To make matters worse, we decided to try Saturday instead and we were still thwarted. We became all excited again and even got as far as getting on the freeway. That was when we discovered the ice. My car slid around under each underpass scaring the daylights out of me. I told Tracy I just couldn't do it. We turned back and were very cranky all morning. We went to the mall here and had lunch to try and console ourselves. Then we walked and shopped some. It wasn't until we had our chocolate that we felt remotely better. Oh well. We did have a lovely afternoon.Saturday we colored eggs with Rhi and prepared everyone's baskets. Sunday we woke up to our baskets and then drove out to a friend of ours for Easter. She invites us every year. My stomach was acting up and as of today is still not quite right. I almost didn't go but it seemed to finally calm down by noon. I worried about Easter and my weight watchers program. I actually did pretty well with the actual dinner. When dessert came, however, all of the horrible events of the past few days really made me feel like I deserved some compensation. After a slice of apple pie, a lemon bar and a piece of cake I felt much better! Later, of course, I felt worse. Both my stomach and my guilt made me pay! So, not a good WW week. I am not looking forward to getting weighed tomorrow. Tomorrow there was a chance of a snow day which actually would have been awesome. But once again the fates said no. March must be a month of punishment for me. The storm fizzled out and we will have work as usual tomorrow. *sigh* If I can just make it though the next few days I'll be good. Spring Break is next week and I should be happy but it kind of depresses me. We were originally going to go to Florida and that just didn't pan out. I keep hearing people talk of all of the wonderful places they are going for Spring Break and for us it is the same ol' same ol'. Oh well. Poor me...I had a really nice day yesterday going with Kecia up to the Cities so she could return a few things. Even though the Maldonados live just a few blocks away, we rarely get to see them. I had hoped when they moved here we would have lots of fun times together but those times are very few and far between. It sure would be nice if everyone could just slow down a little and enjoy life a little. Yesterday was a good day for that. Rachel rode up with us and we had a fun day together. I was able to catch up with Kecia on the ride there and back and even found a few shirts at J Crew. Kecia took us to Southdale Mall in Edina and it was pretty nice. We had lunch at Big Bowl which enabled me to remain faithful to my points and was very tasty to boot. Our little impromptu trip took most of the day so I didn't get much else done but it was a nice break.
Saturday night Jon and I took Rhi to see a movie. It was going to be Horton Hears a Who or Doomsday. We should have gone to Horton! Doomsday was pretty gross! It was still fun and we were able to see Rachel at work which is always nice!Today I was determined I was going to the local Pow Wow. I wanted to go yesterday but Kecia came first. Grand Entry was at 1pm and as of 12:30 my girls were not ready so I picked up Tracy and we went. It was fun explaining things to Tracy. Hearing the drums made me feel at home at once. I have needed that kind of healing for so long. Sometimes you really don't really know what you need until it finds you. Those drums can work wonders and they left me wanting more. I plan on attending as many Pow Wows as I can this summer. I am going to walk/dance for my mom and Heather. I wore mom's necklace today but I kind of hid it beneath my coat. It has little carved animals on it and makes me looks a little bit like a new agey white girl which I don't want to be! It was not to be hidden today, little did I know! I introduced Tracy to fry bread and later greeted Jon and Rhi as they came in. Jon didn't want to stay so he left Rhi with me to watch for awhile before she had to be at honors choir. As I was talking to Jon they announced the two-step which is a social dance. If a dancer comes to get you, you cannot refuse. Imagine my surprise when they head male dance headed straight for me and plucked me out of the audience. Tracy went to the restroom so she escaped. Rhi had a big grin on her face and several of my students who were in attendance also looked thrilled. Jon left as soon as he could to avoid having to go out and dance! I don't really like getting up in front of people and I was nervous doing this dance with an elder who also happened to be the head dancer. No pressure... I had to take off my coat of course or I would have looked really dumb so there was my mom's necklace large as life for all to see! Oh well. During the dance an Eagle feather was dropped and my partner left me to take care of it so I ended up alone! Once the song ended they asked the dancers to leave and the spectators to stay for "something special". Something special turned out to be a dance contest! I had to walk around and dance for two songs and thanks to my fan base in the audience (Tracy, Rhi, and about six students), I won! I really wanted to run away and refuse to do it but I saw the way the kids were watching me (my own daughter included) and I thought I better just get over myself and do it. I actually won $25! I gave it all to my students for their dance regalia. They were thrilled. We had a very good time but it wasn't long before I had to get Rhi to honors choir. Tracy and I walked up at the mall while Rhi was at choir and then we all finally headed home. Jon made dinner so I could finish cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and putting out Easter decorations. I can't believe it will be next week!Tomorrow we are supoosed to get some messy weather. I hope this is it for winter. I am not sure how much more we can take!I was pretty excited about my last weigh in. Excited up to the point that I realized morning weight is quite different from afternoon weight. I have never really kept a close eye on the scale before so I never realized that my weight can fluctuate within 3-4 pounds from morning to evening. That epiphany caused a great deal of worry about today's weigh in. I was pleasantly surprised that even an afternoon weight yielded a difference of four pounds in two weeks. That is fine with me.I do understand that weigh in numbers can vary greatly from week to week so I won't get *to* tied into the scale but when you work so hard it is nice to see *some* kind of results.
Work has been kind of sad lately. We have had several children that have lost their parents and it is taking it's toll on me. One of the parents just passed away today. I usually set aside a bit of "fun" money each month. It usually is spent on the house or on clothes. I donated this month's allowance to a fund that was set up for this parent last week when it was discovered that his cancer was out of remission. Yesterday he was in the ICU and today he died. My heart is breaking for his son and his family. I am sending them all my prayers today and trying to think of other ways I can help this boy. I guess this is the year of the grim reaper for me. Death has always danced around the perimeters of my life but never really directly affected me until the death of my father 12 years ago. This year it has been upon me almost monthly. I keep telling myself that the real message here is enjoy your life. Enjoy every single second of every single day and help those who need you when they need you. "Being there" for these students is very painful as it brings out my own grief but it helps me to work through it as well. We have had wonderful temperatures the past few days. Most of the snow is melted and you can finally smell the earth coming alive! I do love Spring! Flowers, warm winds, birdsong, green grass and a blue sky do wonders for healing a tired old spirit like mine.“You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you dies each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintry light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person had died for no reason.”
Ernest Hemingway
Yesterday morning I went with Tracy to weigh in at Weight Watchers since I missed my Thursday meeting. I am very encouraged. I lost 4 lbs in the first week! I can't believe it! This is going to be so awesome. I am thrilled to see a weight I haven't seen in years and looking forward to more of the same.
After that we went to Great Harvest for breakfast of course. Some of their stuff isn't so *great* for dieting but I didn't find out until after I went home and looked it up. Panera for lunch was not a good choice either. So many of these so-called "healthy" places have tons of fat in their food. One of the salads at Panera is 10 points! What the heck is in the dressing? That is crazy!After Great Harvest we went to the mall and did some heavy duty walking for close to an hour. My legs are killing me today so I know it was a good workout. I really can't wait until the weather is better though so we can get back to walking at the lake. I really miss that. The goslings will be hatching in another month and that alone makes the lake a fun place to walk!I bought my first little Gymboree thing for the Grandbaby yesterday. I have to start thinking about a date to throw a shower for Rachel. She and Pete are talking about their school plans for this Fall so that is a step in the right direction. I guess Pete is looking at going into nursing too. I would love to have a "murse" for a son-in-law! That would be cool! I was telling Rachel last night that it would be a good idea to take some summer classes as she will likely not be able to take much (if anything) this Fall. Now the race to finish school and get a real job begins for them.I am mulling over best times to go to Phoenix this summer. Of course no summer month is good as it is stifling hot but that is all we are left with. So much will depend on Jon's schedule so we'll see. I am so sick of that. I really can't wait for Residency to be finished. We have to start getting Rhi signed up for summer camps so we will need to know soon.Today will be spent running errands. Jon is home all weekend which has been wonderful. I might actually get to do something fun with my husband!I love love love My Fair Lady. I haven't seen it in so many years and we are now watching it at school. Show Me is one of the songs I really love that I forgot about.
"Words! Words! Words! I'm so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you!
Is that all you blighters can do?
Don't talk of stars burning above;
If you're in love, Show me!
Tell me no dreams filled with desire.
If you're on fire, Show me!
Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don't talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you that
This is no time for a chat!
Haven't your lips longed for my touch?
Don't say how much, Show me! Show me!
Don't talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow. Show me now!
Sing me no song! Read me no rhyme!
Don't waste my time, Show me!
Don't talk of June, Don't talk of fall!
Don't talk at all! Show me!
Never do I ever want to hear another word.
There isn't one I haven't heard.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Say one more word and I'll scream!
Haven't your arms hungered for mine?
Please don't "expl'ine," Show me! Show me!
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!"
I can already tell it is one of *those* days when I really should just go back to bed and lock out the world. I have only been awake for an hour now and here's my morning:
1. Woke up late (of course)
2. Woke up with a massive headache. Pretty sure a sinus infection is brewing.
3. Aunt flow came to visit (of course!)
4. Dog pooped in the living room and no one seemed to notice.
5. No dry towel for my bath. Husband left without bringing me a dry towel.
6. Husband left without telling me goodbye in any way, again.
7. Husband turned off my radio.
8.Amid more crappy weather and dangerous driving conditions we were still not granted even a two hour delay for school.
9. Hungry. Really hungry.
10. Now I am going to be even later because I had to whine on my blog!
Hopefully Jon will just read the title and decide this entry is not worth reading! He hates hearing about my dreams!
Two days ago I had a dream about my old best friend Mary. That is somewhat unusual as I never tend to dream of her. I can't remember much about it other then something about seeing each other for the first time in many years and awkwardness.Last night I had some dreams with our friends the Maldonados-or at least David. That one had something about Jon conducting some kind of study at Mayo and Dave signing up to make extra money for his family. It had something to do with wearing a giant rubber band around you middle! That must have been my own hunger. I have started Weight Watchers in order to lose @15lbs. It took a long time to decide to do it. I was kind of afraid people would laugh at me because whenever I talk about wanting to lose weight they tell me I'm crazy. Well I am not crazy. I am 140 lbs and climbing. It's the climbing that worries me as every year I put on a few more pounds. Most Minnesotan women are quite obese so I am sure compared to them I look quite thin. To me, I look horrible. I don't enjoy having several rolls all the way around my waist. So, I am doing this for me. My health comes first and I firmly believe that keeping your weight in check is a big part of that.After only two days on the flex plan my stomach has already shrunk. I still get pretty hungry and slightly hyperglycemic between meals but I am sure in time that will get better. For now, I enjoy journaling my meals. It has been very eye opening. I do pretty well with portions but my eating habits in general are horrible. I already feel encouraged that I will be eating healthier but I sure get sad when my meal is done so quickly! I try not to linger at the table to avoid the temptation to eat more. That helps tremendously. I get 20 points a day with 37 flex points a week. Flex points allow you to go slightly over if you want. I have only used two of my flex points so far. I am trying not to use them at all as I want to see results soon! I look forward to shopping for a new swim suit this summer! I'll be the best looking Grandma ever! Today I have Rhi's French Horn lesson, housecleaning and errands. Jon is moonlighting for the day out in Wabasha but he will be home tonight. He was home all day yesterday which was wonderful! Our kids were supposed to be gone too but that didn't happen. Rachel told me that she and Pete would be over at Pete's house for the day and instead they were here all day. Rhi was supposed to go to a birthday party but decided at the last minute that she wasn't going to do her chores or practice her horn before she went. So, she didn't go. A very hard parenting rule to enforce let me tell you. There were tears and pouting like you can't imagine. She was better by evening and in fact seemed somewhat relieved. It was going to be kind of a weird party and I think it was stressing her a little. All the girls were supposed to dress like pop star celebrities like Hannah Montana, Avril Lavigne, etc... Rhianna was left with Pink because all the others were "taken". First of all, we can't stand Pink. Skank anyone? Secondly, Rhi looks nothing like her and doesn't know any of her songs (they were going to have a Karaoke thing). Third, pop stars aren't exactly the people I want my daughter to emulate. The whole thing was entirely too much fuss for a 13 year old's party. It was bad enough that the mother of the girl was taking them all to see Juno. I am a pretty liberal gal but I still think appropriate for that 13 year olds. Anyone who has seen it can vouch for that. Even Rachel-the pregnant-18-year old agrees! So, all is well that ends well I guess. I just felt so bad for Rhi though because she was still disappointed. *shrug* A parent has to be strong and follow through. No one said it was easy...